#i might delete positive affirmations

[theambitiouswoman]

Someone asked me what my goals were for this new quarter and I think I deleted the message..sorry!

I wont list them all but these are some:

500 squats a day

from 15k to 20k steps a day

Finish Swedish and Arabic

Longer daily meditations (Been doing it this week and I feel so good)

Im getting back on social media this quarter too

More reading, more learning

These might not help for inspiration.. haha here are some ideas:

Have digital detox days

Learn a new skill or a creative hobby

Reorganize your wardrobe

Buy yourself flowers every week

Create a morning/evening routine

Complete some sort of thirty day challenge (walking, running etc)

Limit screen time to 1 hr a day

Read 2-3 books

Identify 1 limiting belief & work through it weekly

Create a budget/spending tracker

Weekly skincare routine

Commit to morning lemon water

Take yourself out on a solo date

Write affirmations on your mirror and recite them daily

Declutter your life and your phone

Dress up every day

Exercise x times a week

Positive self talk habits

Daily journaling and gratitude

Learn a skill that will make you money

[adviceformefromme]

💖TRUSTING YOUR INNER VOICE - 3 MONTHS UNTIL 2025 - GLOW UP SERIES [WEEK 12] - 💖

Your life can drastically change in three months, and this is coming from someone who started last October unexpectedly in hospital everyday for three weeks, to then leave London and move back home and share a ROOM with my mom due to space issues and by the end of the whirlwind I finally got to move into my dream ocean view apartment in Europe. ALL WITHIN 3 MONTHS. How did I transform my life? What remained consistent was my inner voice, leading me towards faith and not fear. Being able to hear God’s direction and having the courage to take a leap into the unknown at each twist and turn. So no matter where you start this October, trust and know that miracles are possible, and if you stay true to where you are being guided you will end up exactly where you need to be. 

UNDERSTANDING WHAT VOICE IS GUIDING YOU…

Are you leaning into fear or into faith? Each day, are you sticking to what you know or are you taking risks? Are you using your voice to speak up when you’re usually quiet? Are you still remaining true to your vision despite not seeing the results in the 3D? Are you trying to control situations feeling anxious and stuck, or are you remaining trusting and faithful to the visions God has placed in your heart? If you find fear is guiding your life, your TRANSFORMATION is going to a struggle, there is going to be friction, and this is where you need to get out of your own way. God wants to move you somewhere you’ve never been, you’ve been doing your vision boards, affirmations, praying, reading, trying your very best to LEVEL-TF-UP, and STILL feeling stuck…and this is because your inner voice is holding you hostage to what you’ve known, to the old version of you, the expired version. These next 12 weeks are for tuning into a different frequency, to locking into God’s direction and here are the steps…

1] You need to meditate to create space in your mind to hear the voice that wants to lead you to your highest potential. It’s always there waiting for you to listen, in order to HEAR you need SPACE.. and to get space you need to meditate. The aim is 20 mins per day, if you’re already comfortable with this aim for 1 hour. I know this might sound like a scary amount of time to sit in silence but think how easily you can spend 20 mins on social media doom scrolling…Do you want to GLOW-UP or do you want to stay stuck? This is what you need to ask yourself daily…But please walk before you run, here is 10 mins meditation that is simple and transformative and will 100% allow you mental space so you can slowly throughout the day start to hear your inner voice - God speaking to you. 

2] Tune out of negativity (the news, low vibration music, gossip, scrolling through peoples highlight reel) and tune into high vibes… Listening to high vibes is going to move you energetically into a new space. There will be more peace and positivity. The high vibes include, morning motivation on YouTube find one that empowers you, cleansing your social media accounts of anything negative or deleting it full stop while you’re on your glow up journey. Listening to binaural beats, gospel, or anything that has empowering lyrics that lift you up. 

3] Once you have removed the low vibes you also want SILENT vibes, this means going for a walk without your phone. Waking up and not checking your phone for 1 hour, having as many moments of silence as possible, and this is when you will start to hear. You might hear negativity in your mind at first, it might be overbearing, the voice might be telling you how stupid you are, how pathetic you are, but PERSEVERE. Get curious on why you have this negativity in your mind, journal on what was coming up for you, you want to clear out the negativity so you can hear the inner wisdom that is waiting to flow in. 

4] PRAY FOR GUIDANCE. If you don’t have the direction, you are wanting to transform your life and don’t know what the next steps are, I promise you the moment you start praying and asking is the moment you receive the answers. It will come in the form of conversations, YouTube content creators will appear in your feed, you will have thoughts, dreams, a book will fall of a shelf, there will be direction from above. God wants to help you, you just have to ask and listen clearly for the answers. They will appear.

A little story time of my 3 month transformation from last October - December and how I completely transformed my life in that time…

Until next week, stay in your faith, your journal and remain hopeful that this time things are going to be different. Your transformation is in progress.

[mariacallous]

Throughout American political history, two capable, qualified, experienced women have run for president on a major-party ticket. Both have lost to Donald Trump, perhaps the most famous misogynist ever to reach the highest office. But in 2024, what was even more alarming than in 2016 was how Trump’s campaign seemed to be promoting a version of the country in which men dominate public life, while women are mostly confined to the home, deprived of a voice, and neutralized as a threat to men’s status and ambitions.

This time around, I wasn’t hopeful. I didn’t let myself entertain any quixotic notions about what having a woman in the most powerful position in the world might mean for our status and sense of self. I simply wished for voters to reject the idea, pushed so fervently by those on Trump’s side, that women should be subservient incubators, passively raising the next generation of men who disdain them. This wish did not pan out. “Your body, my choice. Forever,” the white-supremacist influencer Nick Fuentes, who has dined with Trump at Mar-a-Lago, posted on X on Election Night. “Women threatening sex strikes like LMAO as if you have a say,” the right-wing troll Jon Miller wrote on the same site.

For Trump, eliminating the constitutional right to an abortion was apparently only the beginning. Bolstered by that definitive Supreme Court win and flanked by a hateful entourage intent on imposing its archaic vision of gender politics on the nation, the Trump-Vance ticket seemed to outright reject ideas of women’s autonomy and equality. Theirs was a campaign of terminally online masculinity, largely designed for men, expressed in brutish terms of violence, strength, and power. Trump insisted, in one late campaign appearance, that he would be a protector of women, “whether the women like it or not.” The vice president–elect, J. D. Vance, was revealed to have personal disgust for child-free women, whom he had described as “cat ladies” and “sociopathic.” He’d also, on one podcast, affirmed that the entire function “of the postmenopausal female” was caring for grandchildren. The super PAC founded by Elon Musk, who has shown great enthusiasm for personally inseminating women, released an ad referring to Kamala Harris as a “C word.” (The ad, which was deleted a few days later, winkingly revealed the C to stand for “Communist.”) And on X, Musk himself reposted a theory that “a Republic of high status males is best for decision making.” The former Fox News host Tucker Carlson excitedly compared Trump’s return to office to a strict father coming home to give his wayward daughter “a vigorous spanking.”

None of this is new, necessarily. But as of this writing, men ages 18 to 29 have swung a staggering 15 points to the right since 2020, according to an Associated Press survey of registered voters. A few years ago, researchers at Penn State found that people’s alignment with the ideals of “hegemonic masculinity”—the celebration of male dominance in society and of stereotypically masculine traits—predicted their support for Trump in the 2016 and 2020 elections. Since then, our cultural environment has been flooded with ever more avatars of dopey machismo: steroid-ingesting, crypto-shilling, energy-drink-chugging bros; YouTubers and podcast hosts and misogynist influencers, all profiting wildly from the juvenile attention economy. The language that the Trump-Vance campaign used was intended to resonate with this audience, even if it sounded asinine to everyone else. (“Tampon Tim,” the right-wing social-media nickname given to Tim Walz for approving a measure that supplies period products to Minnesota public-school students, is an insult only if you’re 8 years old or terrified of women’s bodies.)

But the philosophy of the people soon to be in power isn’t informed just by emotionally stunted Twitch streamers and playground bullies. Peter Thiel, the entrepreneur and conservative power broker who did more than anyone to further Vance’s post-law career and helped fund his bid for Senate, wrote in a 2009 essay that women getting the vote had doomed “capitalist democracy.” Trump’s ally and former aide John McEntee posted on X in October: “Sorry we want MALE only voting. The 19th might have to go.” For all the attention-getting antics of Trump’s extremely online contingent, his brain trust consists mainly of very wealthy, very powerful men who think women’s rights have simply gone too far. Forget the hope for a female president, or the fury at the fact that a charming, hardworking, genuinely inspirational candidate like Harris couldn’t break through all the accreted layers of American prejudice. What is going to happen to women now?

Not all Trump voters embrace misogyny. And preliminary exit polling shows that a sizable minority of American women voted for him this time; in an economy that’s getting more precarious for every successive generation, both men and women may have been swayed by the promise of prosperity. Still, the teased enforcement of outdated gender roles has clearly connected with young men in particular. Among voters ages 18 to 29, the gender gap was striking: about 16 points, according to the AP.

The Trump-Vance administration can’t obligate women to go back to the 1960s, though. It can’t force women out of the workforce. And it can’t mandate that women be subservient to men, sexually, romantically, or professionally. One has to wonder, then, what will become of the men who have been reared on Andrew Tate TikToks and violent gonzo porn devoted to women’s sexual degradation. The gender divide is about to grow into a chasm.

In the U.S., 63 percent of men under 30 are currently single, compared with 34 percent of women in the same age group, according to the Pew Research Center. This suggests that women aren’t the only ones who may ultimately suffer from this coming rupture in American life. So, too, will the men who have been trained to see women as disgusting, untamable, fundamentally inferior to them.

For all Vance and Musk purport to worry about birth rates, I’d argue that they have done more to dissuade women from having children than almost anyone else, by enabling the radicalization and isolation of Gen Z men. For thousands of years, marriage was a necessity for women—a means of financial security and social acceptance. This isn’t true anymore. Many women simply aren’t willing or remotely motivated to attach themselves to men who denigrate them, or to stay in abusive marriages for the sake of their children, as Vance once seemed to suggest that they should.

In my own circle of friends, I see women living contentedly alone rather than settling for men who don’t respect them. I see intelligent, kind, high-achieving friends thriving in their community, spending their own money, appreciating culture, taking care of their own needs and taking care of one another. Within hours of the election result becoming clear, Google searches went up sharply for South Korea’s feminist protest movement “4B”—a social philosophy that advocates for women not to date, marry, have sex with, or have children with men. (South Korea currently has the lowest fertility rate of any country in the world.)

American conservatism has long fetishized motherhood in a way that made it proximate to power—mothers are lionized and even encouraged to seek political office, as long as it’s understood that they’re doing so on behalf of others. Sarah Palin, the first female vice-presidential candidate on a Republican ticket, tried to defang her own ambition by suggesting that she was just a hockey mom who got involved. But the kind of motherhood now being promoted on the right is much more passive, and powerless. It’s the kind modeled by the former Supreme Court clerk Usha Vance, who stands by silently while her husband weakly brushes off his racist fans’ attacks on his family. It’s also exemplified by the tradwives of TikTok and Instagram, who cater to the male gaze with their doe-eyed; paisley-smock-wearing; Kinder, Kirche, Küche performances of submissive domesticity.

The gender dynamics of this moment cannot be a surprise to anyone. Since his arrival in politics, in 2015, Trump has made his thoughts on women abundantly clear. He’s propagated the idea that those of us who don’t flatter or agree with him are not just difficult but “nasty,” using the language of disgust to make women seem contaminated and morally reprehensible. He has shamed women for the way they look, for aging, for having opinions. (Those of us who have public personas online have experienced this sort of treatment too, and have seen it snowball with his encouragement.) None of this is in any way negated by his decision to make a woman his chief of staff, or to nominate women for key positions.

Even before Harris officially became the nominee in 2024, Trump’s allies were attacking her in sexualized terms, subliminally linking female power to the so-called threat of unfettered female sexuality. Early in July, Alec Lace—the host of a podcast dedicated to fatherhood, if you can believe it—referred to Harris on the Fox Business channel as “the original Hawk Tuah girl,” a reference to a viral clip about oral sex. In August, Trump circulated a post on his social-media platform, Truth Social, that insinuated that Harris had performed sexual favors to establish her career in politics. In September, Semafor reported that a shadowy conservative network had been paying influencers to promote sexualized smears of Harris. In October, a billboard in Ohio briefly drew consternation for displaying a mocked-up image of Harris on her hands and knees, about to engage in a sex act. (It was paid for by a towing company.)

The old analytical terms we use to describe sexism in politics aren’t sufficient to deal with this onslaught of repugnant hatred. Michelle Obama was right, in her closing argument of the 2024 campaign, to note that Harris had faced an astonishing double standard: Both the media and Americans more broadly had picked apart her arguments, bearing, and policy details while skating over Trump’s “erratic behavior; his obvious mental decline; his history as a convicted felon, a known slumlord, a predator found liable for sexual abuse.” She also captured the stakes of the election when she said that voters were fundamentally making a choice in 2024 about “our value as women in this world.” On that front, the people have spoken. But women don’t have to play along.

All his life, Trump has ruined people who get close to him. He won’t ruin women, but he will absolutely destroy a generation of men who take his vile messaging to heart. And, to some extent, the damage has already been done.

[prettyboykatsuki-moved]

✮  tags ; desi-coded reader (tbh...specifically bangladeshi dkjfsdj), pre-wedding celebration, so blatantly selfship coded i might have to delete it if the shame kicks in , 18+

Night air wisps against your warm skin like thin threads of silk as you step away from the party - with the assistance of Sakura, who held the door open like his life depended on it.

Your arms are stiff from how long you've been holding them in the same position, but after upwards of three hours - all the mendhi required for your upcoming wedding ceremony has been put on.

From the tips of your fingers all the way down to your elbows and even some parts of your feet. It's the one aspect of the celebration you've always looked forward too. When you glance down and see it, its completely surpassed your expectations

Through the light of your window is your family and friends, traditional folk music and ballad love songs play as guest dance and laugh in the warm lights of your living room. Laughter bubbles through the crack letting out some air and you smile to yourself, careful not to touch anything.

The feeling of drying mendhi on your skin is nostalgic even in it's mild discomfort, a slight itch in the intricate designs covering your palms. You sniff a little from the cool air, lungs filling with the earthy, heavy scent of mendhi paste and the sharp bitterness of mustard oil.

You slip further away until you end up enough distance away for the sound to quiet. Crickets chirp and the wind blows - as if the whole world is feeling soft.

You aren't expecting Umemiya to pop out from anywhere. He must've noticed you leaving and followed you out. You try not to smile and fail when he makes his way towards you.

Umemiya grins brighter than the sun. In the dead of night and even amidst the pleasant atmosphere - nothing shines quite like him. He looks good in the clothes your extended family so painstakingly picked out for him. A panjabi and salwar to match, a pleasantly deep shade of blue to go with his eyes. Your kameez is more complicated, but the tailoring similarities of the florals and beadwork make you happy no matter how trivial. It feels a little more worth getting three outfits tailored looking at him.

He cuts a fine figure in general, you think.

He approaches first with worry. A furrow in his brow.

"You okay?"

You smile at him and then smile a little more at the way it makes him relax instantly.

"I'm good." You take a deep breath, hands stiff at your sides and suddenly itching to find his to hold. "Was getting hot and stiff sitting for so long."

"Oh, is it done finally? Am I allowed to look?"

"Were you gonna avoid looking at my arms for three days if I said no?" You tease. Umemiya's eyes fill with mirth and sincerity.

"If I had too."

Silly. You love him, you think. You shake your head. "You can look. Might be a little hard to see even with the street light though."

"That's okay." He says, and there's something deeply doting in his voice that makes you feel like you might sink. "An excuse to get close to you is always nice to have."

You hold out your arms and lift your palms gently to Umemiya. His admiration makes your heart swell ten folds. His hands are careful as they slide underneath your own decorate ones, careful not to touch the actual design but to support your forearms and wrists.

"It's so beautiful."

"Right? She did a good job. She's doing Kotoha-chans now."

He makes a little affirmative noise while he draws his eyes along the different shapes and patters. Traditional shapes of roses and marigolds along with inspired cuts. There's a mix of imagery, well integrated - patterns of cranes and cherry blossoms well woven into it as symbolism. Umemiya pauses, most certainly noticing the nuance.

"I like it a lot. You're gonna look so beautiful."

You brush past the words, unable to respond to them without feeling earnest flush. Umemiya is undeterred by this, just offers a smile and another light touch. He leans it to place a kiss to your temple before pulling back.

A thought pops into your head. You wanted to show him eventually - you thought at least after you washed it off, but now seems like a better time.

"Oh and..." You carefully hold your wrist up to him. "See?"

He squints for a long while before breaking out into an impossible grin. Hidden in the wrists of your mendhi design are the characters of his name - integrated into the piece. You can see the very moment it clicks.

"Is that...is it traditional?"

"Maybe? It's common at least. I thought it'd be more special with the Japanese characters though.”

A little nod to him and to you. He's silent for a long while, deep in thought about something. You don't know what exactly.

"I love it," He says, then looks up at you. He presses his forehead against yours, a gentle tap that still manages to catch you off guard as he does. The decorative teep on your forehead presses a little into his skin as he does it but you don't make a move to pull away from his affection. "I love you."

You tilt your head a little, pretending to wipe sweat from your brow.

"That's a relief."

He shakes his head. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Could you feed me something off the table inside? I'm hungry."

He almost seems upset he didn't think of it first. He nods. "I'll be right back. Stay put but be careful."

"I'm right infront of the house Hajime."

"It's always good to be careful. I'd be sad if my wife went missing just days before,"

“I’ll be safe,”

“And I’ll be quick,”

He pauses before he goes back through the door, turning suddenly before he smiles again. Impossibly gently, he runs his fingers through his hair before running back to you.

Another kiss to the corner of your mouth followed with one to your lips. The last one carefully place on the drying mendhi on your arms just where his name sits.

“I love you,”

You soften. “I love you too, Hajime. You can dote on me as much as you want when you come back.”

He grins. “I’ll hold you to that.”

glossary of terms:

mendhi - more commonly known as henna, a special skin safe paste used for decorative designs. commonly red or black.

panjabi - bangla word for kurta. basically a long item of menswear that stops just past the knee or above.

teep - also known as bindi. a decorative sticker or red dot placed in the center of the forehead.

** more cultural notes: in bangladesh mustard oil is often used to deepen the color of mendhi. it normally goes on after or while almost dry.

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

Here's my thing not to always be complaining about bad interpretations BUT I genuinely do not understand how anyone at all can see the scene that established the Kraken where Ed is subjected to abuse by his father and then kills him, and then see a character attempt to force Ed to kill the first person hes ever gotten close to, attempt to kill the first person Ed has ever gotten close to, call law enforcement to come in and kill the first person Ed has ever gotten close to, and then when he succeeds in driving that person away and Ed tries to open up to even more people tell him he's better off dead and threaten his life. And then see Ed choke that character with a lighthouse painting positioned in the background just like how he choked his dad with a lighthouse in the background and declare himself the kraken like he did when he was talking about his abusive fathers death and not read all that information as leading back to Izzy abusing him. Like season 1 actually sends a very clear message if you're not into incel apologia.

And yes I have seen season 2, season 2 did three things in regards to this arc. The first thing it did was call the relationship toxic and unhealthy which affirms this reading, the second thing season 2 did was clarify that Izzy's intentions in doing all this were in fact to have Ed all to himself out of a psychosexual obsession rather than out of a hunger for power or even as a hate crime or whatever, so those are Izzy's two "this only looks like abuse but actually is about something else" alibis down, which reaffirms this reading, and the third thing it did was have Izzy take it all back and decide he's actually better now which, the redemption arc doesn't contradict any of that. And no I'm not ignoring Ed's violence against Izzy, he did all of that violence fully after four times trying to isolate Ed violently from other people and I think it's acceptable to kill your abuser, so Ed's violence doesn't factor into my read aside from how it relates to how he handled his first abuser, his father, and how he handled his second abuser, Hornigold, in the dream scape.

So basically last time I made this meta I said "guys I think Izzy might be abusing Ed, but Idk he could just be power hungry as fucked up little henchmen often are." But now that I have season 2 I'm rewriting it and saying that I know that Izzy is one of Ed's abusers, so thank you season 2 for clarifying this for me. He changed his mind and, well all I have to say about that is that I hope Ed feels safer now that he has changed his mind, but I still don't much care for him.

If you comment on this to argue with me without adding a 🦜emoji I'll assume you haven't read the whole thing before getting mad at me and delete your reply.

[gatheredfates]

It's been a little while since I've prompted my server! With Sea's Community Compendium not needing an update this week (unless...?), I thought it might be the perfect opportunity. ⭐

What is SEAFLOOR?

SEAFLOOR's purpose is two-pronged! The first focuses solely on my community projects including, but not limited to; Compendium support, question-drive updates, miscellaneous resources and other bits and bobs. We also have dedicated channels for user sourced/submitted content including:

Resources, prompts and commissions! Every time I see a commission post, gpose prompts or resources that I think will benefit the community at large (especially if it doesn't fit in the Compendium due to time constraints), I'll add it there.

An affirmations channel! Exactly what it says on the tin. You can link positive words and encouragement to people and they can look in the channel if they need a boost.

Fics, drabbles & asks! If you want to promote your writing/work, especially from my question drive, you can do that there.

There are also a few channels specific to the social role.

An events channel! I try to link any upcoming events I see on the dash, though event owners can promote their own specific venues if they want.

Character profiles for RP and writing!

GPosing, LFG and modding discussions. ✨

The second purpose is what's implied above — a social aspect! I struggle with a lot of one on one conversations, so this server lets me reach out to lots of people without the pressure of missing messages. You do not need to join the social aspect to have access to my projects. It is entirely optional and there for people who want to say hi or meet other people in the community. If you just want to be pinged when a question drive is open or I have updated the Compendium, you're more than welcome to utilise the server just for that.

However, because of my time constraints, I have a series of rules that must be adhered to in order for people to participate fully in SEAFLOOR. Though they're explored in more depth in the server, the main crux are below —

SEAFLOOR is adults-only, 21+. This is entirely because I don't have the time to moderate a server that is friendly towards minors and I generally don't allow them in my space. This is for my own comfort, sorry! You're still welcome to utilise my projects.

As this is a server for adults, I expect you to act like adults. This includes, but is not limited to; enacting your own media literacy in muting, blocking and disengaging with people/topics you don't like; doing your due diligence to protect yourself and others with proper content warnings, spoiler tagging and triggers; keeping to Discord's ToS and respecting people's boundaries and privacy. If I have to moderate, I will be harsh in implementation because I don't have the time for it. Like all my projects, if it becomes too much of a chore or detrimental for my mental health, I will delete it without hesitation. This might be a 'public' server, but it is still my server. I won't hesitate.

In sum: 'Be excellent to each other'. Treat others how you want to be treated, don't start discourse and sort your shit in private. Use your common sense and don't be creepy/weird.

If this sounds like something that might be up your alley, you can give the server a shot here! There's a lot of fun, supportive people and I really enjoy the little community that's been cultivated. I hope you will too!

[crowtrobotx]

Keep scrolling unless you want a wall of emotional word vomit of me waxing poetic about my favorite fic being deleted

Disclaimer first off: the most important thing is that the author is okay. Obviously a piece of fanfiction is nothing compared to their life, and as a writer myself I know that audiences do not own the work nor do authors owe them anything. It is and was always her right to do whatever she wanted with her writing whenever she desired, and she may have had very valid reasons for going scorched earth. I just see a lot of people immediately dismiss readers' sorrow when a fic is lost as "entitlement" or some kind of emotional manipulation and... well, this is a "two things can be true at the same time" situation, yeah? Anyway. I have questioned myself the last few days and my reaction to discovering akumaalert deleted her tumblr along with her AO3 account and all her works. Fortunately, I had a very weird anxiety feeling in January of this year and downloaded the two most important to me (HML and the anon fic that I always suspected was also her) and saved them before this happened so... silver lining, I suppose. Still, I am... devastated. Especially considering her last update was so hopeful sounding and really seemed to imply her life was taking a positive turn and that she really wanted/needed to come back to HML. There are a million reasons why people destroy their own work - I myself very nearly nuked Chrysalis after a few chapters until a friend stopped me - or at least take it out of the public eye. But I'm... fearful that the reason might not be any of the more benign ones. I have wondered why I had such a strong emotional reaction. Yes, it was my favorite fic, yes, the author seemed like a cool person in our extremely brief Tumblr interactions, but my ass cried all weekend, y'all. I do not cry. And yet there I was, literally mourning something that on the surface seems completely ridiculous. But "favorite fic" doesn't really do it justice, I guess. Let me explain. In 2021, exactly a year to the date that my dad died, RE8 came out. I had at that point reconnected with my less palatable (read: artistic and fandom-oriented) side that I'd tried to bury for the prior ten years in order to deal with the fear of imminent mortality that his passing instilled in me. I wish I could tell you what it was about this dumb game and this dumb hobo Magneto that made me so insane, but. Well. If you're reading this you probably all saw what happened and continues to happen lol. I got back into fic because of it - only as a reader until around 2023 - and of course HML was one of the most popular fics in the fandom in the early days. And with good reason - it was incredibly well written, funny, authentic, touching, grounded. I know people have a lot of preconceived notions of what fic can be and let's be frank.... yes, most of it is amateur. And to some people that might mean bad, but in spite of that there are some genuine gems out there and this was one of them imho. Plus, and of course this wasn't intentional on the author's part, it really just hit me in the right places at the right time, y'know? I won't bore you with details but suffice it to say that in addition to trying to be more ~myself~ I was also coming to terms with a lot of things regarding my sexuality, my preferences, things that had happened in my past. And maybe it sounds dramatic - and once again this is not me guilt tripping I am just extremely sad - but like... this fucking piece of goddamned Resident Evil fan fiction really helped me. It was comforting, it was affirming. I was too shy to leave chapter by chapter comments at the time but I did end up finally leaving one overall 'this fic changed my life I promise I'm not insane' comment I think in 2023 after I'd started my own work so... at least I didn't just say nothing, I guess. And it was my adoration for what she was able to do with these characters and this frankly goofy ass canon that made me think, finally, "yeah, I wanna do that too."

And like, let me be clear: I have made a lot of friends in this fandom (I've also lost a few but that's a rant for another day.) All of their work has truly inspired me and I cherish all of it with my whole heart. Chrysalis doesn't exist without HML but it also doesn't exist without Sound of Snow and Microcosm and others that I am too lazy to type out rn because I'm in a mood. I think it's just that my Karl - the way I write him in Chrysalis, in Check Engine, in all the private little things I've made and only shared in Discord - is so very heavily inspired by HML's Karl and it's impossible not to think of it every time I write. Chrysalis is going to end relatively soon and it's really, really painful to think there's just... a void in the place of a thing that really sparked it to life in the first place. I dunno. I'm glad for the weirdly premonitory anxiety that made me save a copy that I've been able to share with a few folks who are similarly heartbroken. I'm scared for her as a person, given what little she shared. I know fics get deleted all the time - there's a reason that "save your faves" is a mantra in most discussions - and I'm not like suffering anything unique here. I also know that "just be happy all of it existed and was shared even temporarily" is probably the correct train of thought but it's juuuuust fuckin' hard. And sad. Because I always knew this was a possibility, ever since the initial hiatus, but I guess I always assumed/hoped that it would just become like all the other thousands of unfinished but still present fics on AO3 and other sites. I really didn't think it would all just... vanish. And right after we were all so excited for her and maybe even for an update after years. First I mourned an ending I felt we'd never get, but I was okay with that because it meant we could all kinda make up our own. And now I'm mourning someone I didn't know, and what they might be going through, and I'm mourning the loss of some truly wonderful and inspiring pieces of art (and I don't use that word lightly.) Perhaps this is presumptuous but I always thought to myself that I had to finish Chrysalis even when I was feeling really bad about it for HML/akuma, for the work that inspired it that seemingly through uncontrollable forces couldn't be finished. Now I kinda feel like I'm doing it in memory of it, and all the people who shared that love for it and commented on it and her other work, and for myself. Idk. It's not like she's going to read this. I'm sure I sound like a parasocial lunatic. I just genuinely hope above all else that she's okay, and if I could say something I'd tell her that I'm always rooting for her and that I'm thankful she shared some time with us, however brief. I hope more people understand that what they make really does matter; you never know who you've touched.

[painsandconfusion]

do u ever struggle with feeling guilty about writing or enjoying whump

Absolutely. At least, I used to.

I've posted about this before, so you might find a more in-depth answer somewhere on my blog (I do NOT expect you to have seen that - just saying someone could probably dig it up if this seems brief)

My relationship with whump was always just shame until I was 17 or so and had a friend who loved whumpy things. We didn't know or use that term, but she wrote a lot of dark fiction and we wrong things together. Lots of angst and torture and stuff. Still, everyone saw it as so taboo, and once we drifted apart I didn't get back into it until I discovered the whump community when I was about 20.

I made a blog, then deleted it. Then made another. Then deleted that one. I was just kinda drowning in shame and worry about it (I grew up in a very conservative home), and I never really did anything with it until I wassss 24? I made a post just continuing someone else's prompt list and I got a TON of notes.

Just getting some positive affirmation on something I created helped me a lot. Then over the last two years I've stopped worrying about it nearly so much, have found confidence and better understanding of why I love what I love, and have gotten a lot more open about it.

Now I don't worry really at all or feel bad about it. I think I was always jsut so afraid that it made me a bad person, but now I'm confident in the knowledge that it doesn't and that I'm just the same as I was before I posted a ton or ran servers or did whumpy roleplays.

It comes with a lot of time, self reflection, and understanding the topics, but it does get easier. Hang in there, friend 🫂

[gastonxwindy]

Egotistical Charming

If arrogance were a sport, he would definitely be an Olympic gold medalist! Seriously, this guy is the fundamental definition of narcissism, and he is proud of it! Despite being bearish and narrow-minded, he is admired and well-respected by his fellow mates due to his charming looks and social status, fueling even more his already massive ego.

Caption cont. under cut (backstory)

Link Artist's Tumblr @dejabluan

More info ⬇️

Original Artist if you see this and want me to delete or credit you differently let me know! I didn't see this piece on your Tumblr and wanted to have it here.

The formatting of the caption was adjusted from the deviantart post slightly by me to fit Tumblr. I added colors for legibility (and personal preference.)

Cont. Caption ⬇️

Life for Gaston Le Guilloux, the self-proclaimed wonder boy of Villevenue, was a dream. Sauntering the cobblestone streets with his characteristic swagger, confidence, and charm, he was greeted by everyone with enthusiasm and reverence. It’s no wonder, since his family are the largest landowners in Villevenue, owning extensive farmlands and the finest vineyards. Their successful agricultural ventures and DWWA awards for four years in a row brought them immense wealth, making them a key economic force in the village.

They wield great influence, with his father, Étienne, serving as a member of the local council, while his mother, Genevienne, leads various social initiatives. They sponsor numerous local events every year, from village fairs to charity events and community gatherings, benefiting everyone by selling their products. But these contributions were not merely financial. Étienne and Genevienne Le Guilloux were active participants in village life, and their generosity stemmed from a genuine desire to uplift their community.

But Gaston doesn’t uphold the same values as them. His motivations are more self-serving, using his parents’ positive image to bask in the villagers’ adoration. He would make a show of helping a villager, showcasing his prowess on tasks and ensuring these actions were highly visible. Everyone was enchanted by his confidence and charm, and whenever he was showcasing his trophies from hunting or recounting exaggerated tales of his adventures, including his participation in hunting competitions all around France and the Big Game Hunting Challenge in North America, Gaston thrived on the admiration of the crowd.

However, this immense need for boasting had always been a source of tension in the family. Both of his parents tried to instill in him a sense of responsibility and the importance of supporting his community, but he chose grand gestures and dramatic displays, ensuring he was always at the center of any spectacle. They worried that this vanity might be his undoing in the future, but Gaston couldn’t care less and simply enjoyed all the admiration he received.

Aside from making all the men look up to him as the very epitome of masculinity and fellowship, his womanizing ways are legendary. Each new conquest affirms his irresistible charm, knowing exactly what to say to compliment women and make them feel desired. Women in Villevenue—married or single—despite being aware of his reputation, was drawn to him like a moth to a flame... except for one book-loving intellectual girl.

Gaston’s infatuation with Belle started as a curiosity. Her unimpressed demeanor regarding his boasting only deepened his fascination. Belle saw through his superficial charm and remained unmoved by his compliments, which intrigued him even more. He found himself becoming obsessed with the idea of conquering her, driven by the need to validate his ego. In her, he saw his greatest challenge and the one thing he couldn't possess—a reality he could neither understand nor accept.

Then came the day when Belle left for Paris to pursue her studies, and his hunt came to a halt. Gaston couldn’t quite wrap his head around it—the idea of Belle, who had the audacity to reject him, choosing books and intellectual pursuits over him and the honor of becoming his wife. Gaston grew restless in the following weeks, masking his bruised ego by throwing himself into hunting, boasting, and wooing every woman.

Then..

Things went majorly downhill from there when he got a little too close to the wrong woman. It started as a harmless flirtation but escalated into a full-blown scandal.

Why, you ask? The woman was his cousin’s fiancée! Gaston found himself at the center of a family fiasco, and his parents, already exasperated with his narcissistic and reckless behavior, were furious. His father demanded he finally take responsibility for his actions and show some respect.

But Gaston, in typical fashion, couldn’t care less. As far as he was concerned, the woman had come to him - how could they expect him not to be admired by every woman in sight?

The final blow came one evening when his father, seething, gave Gaston an ultimatum: clean up his act or leave. For Gaston, always proud and defiant, it was no real choice. He wasn’t about to stand around being lectured like a child when there were bigger, more exciting opportunities elsewhere. That’s when Uncle Bastian entered the picture.

Bastian was his father’s younger brother and the family’s black sheep. He resides in Paris but visited Villevenue for hunting trips, where he always tagged along with Gaston ever since his teenage years, bonding over the thrill of the chase. It was actually due to his uncle that Gaston became increasingly fascinated with hunting. For him, it became not merely a pastime but a dynamic expression of his fierceness. The same was true of Bastien.He was the kind of man who took life in stride, running his pub all week, and indulging in his love for hunting on the weekends.

It wasn’t long before Gaston was knocking on his uncle’s door at the 'Huntsman’s Hearth' Pub on Rue Saint Rustique Street in Paris, bags slung over his broad shoulders and that familiar smirk playing on his lips.

In the bustling streets of Paris, Bastien introduced him to a world far more glamorous than their quaint village. It didn't take long for Gaston to establish himself as a popular figure at the Huntsman’s Hearth, where Bastien put him in charge of managing the pub, boasting and winning over the patrons with his bravado.

He even made a name for himself as a fitness influencer. His follower count skyrocketed, particularly among his female admirers, while his narcissism flourished in the spotlight of social media. Gaston reveled in his new lifestyle, but there were times he felt a nagging emptiness, with Belle miles away and losing hope of finding her in this vast city.

Until one afternoon, something—rather, someone—rekindled a forgotten flame. Belle, who seemed to be in a hurry as she clutched her books, was close again. According to the locals who had seen her, she was living nearby and working part-time at a bookstore. Gaston felt that old, familiar sense of challenge welling up inside him, and with renewed confidence, he set his sights back on her.

"Well, well, well..." he said to himself, a satisfied smirk crossing his face. "Looks like it's time to pick up where we left off."

[pumpkin-the-girlie-girl-vixen]

The Night I Met My Match: A Journey from Insecurity to Intimacy

In the quaint town of Stillwater, our paths crossed in a way that felt almost serendipitous. He walked the streets to greet me for the first time, a meeting we had both agreed would be a fleeting moment—just a one-night stand. Our connection originated online, through a fetish website I joined to help build my confidence. As a bigger girl struggling with self-esteem, I knew I needed to take that first step towards embracing who I am. I yearned to believe that I was beautiful just as I am, and I hoped that exposure to others who appreciated me would help me in my self-love journey.

My struggles with self-image were profound. I often told myself that I was not beautiful, sexy, or desirable, and the negativity felt suffocating. I’ve endured a lot of pain and disappointment throughout my life—from family, friends, partners, and even strangers—who have only fed into my insecurities. I often felt like the ugly, unattractive girl that no one would want to touch with a ten-foot pole, and I was exhausted from that mindset. While I appreciated the kind words from those who tried to uplift me, it was difficult to internalize them; I felt broken and damaged.

I embraced my identity as a chunky, curvy redhead with a big booty & big boobies. To protect myself from negative comments online, I decided to post on a fetish website where larger women are celebrated. I knew there were many people out there who preferred curvier figures, and I hoped that showcasing myself in this space would help me cultivate self-love. Thus began my journey on this platform, where I started to curate content more frequently, gradually increasing the boldness of my posts overtime.

In the beginning, I struggled with self-acceptance when it came to sharing nude photos. I would hesitate, feeling disgusted and embarrassed. However, rather than deleting these images, I allowed them to sit in my gallery for a few days while I built up the courage. Reassuringly I still often hype myself up to share, always eventually. I reminded myself that many people love redheads and curvy women, and while I might not see the beauty in myself, perhaps others would. This process of self-encouragement proved effective. Surprisingly, I experienced very little negativity, with only a couple of rude comments throughout my years on the site.

I didn’t join the platform to engage in sexual encounters; I was fearful of danger in all of its forms and I was simply not interested in flirty exchanges. Instead, I focused on the overwhelming attention I received, which was far more than I had ever experienced on any platforms anywhere else. The number of messages was astounding. The admiration others gave felt wonderful. I am grateful for the positive attention and engagement, appreciating how each interaction helped build my confidence, even if I never responded to direct messages, but I always make sure to heart react to each and every complimenting comment to show my appreciation, The heartfelt comments from my followers mean the world to me, even if they don’t realize their impact.

I was in shock, witnessing how uplifting this experience was for me from the beginning, and even presently today, and I’m positive continuing on this journey. While I still have my insecurities, I reached a point in my life where I can genuinely say that today I love myself and feel beautifully desirable, when before I couldn’t. This realization was monumental; I finally feel authentic in my self-affirmation.

However, as my self-love journey progressed, at the time I found myself feeling incredibly lonely. With the nagging love of encouragement from both my mother and best friend, I slowly began to consider putting myself out there again after a few years of being single following my divorce of eight excruciatingly, exhaustive, depressing, abusive, unsatisfactory, amount of years. On June 29, 2024, everything changed for me. Having gathered quite a substantial amount of followers over the years, I met someone who would become pivotal in my life. We agreed to a one-night stand, which I initially thought would be a simple encounter where after I’d kick him out treating him as a booty call. That’s what my intentions were and I expected to do just that, but thankfully fate had other plans.

As I met him that day, I couldn’t shake the feelings I immediately developed for this man, the feelings kept growing stronger and stronger as the hours passes, no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t avoid myself from continuing opening up my heart to the risk of another person hurting me, especially in a matter of one night. I know that I am not easily convinced, easily persuaded, or easily impressed by anyone. {There are plenty of fish in the sea, but you know what else is in the sea, trash, a lot of trash. Luckily I ended up with a dimamond, a rare jewel I will not be able to ever replace. This diamond is my rock to this very day, so I take very good care of him.}

Even though it was daunting, I couldn’t ignore what my intuition was telling me. My body communicated in unspoken ways that this man was different. I could feel the intensity of that connection affecting me physically and emotionally. I struggled to suppress my emotions; I wanted to keep the physical sensations I was experiencing hidden from view. Yet, the strength of my feelings overflowed, spilling out in ways I couldn’t contain. My emotions manifested through my body language and facial expressions, revealing the truth beneath the invisible mask I tried to wear.

He was a remarkable person—genuine, relatable, and effortlessly charming. We connected instantly, spending hours talking through the night and experiencing a magnetic attraction that was undeniable. Baffled When we realized what time it was, before he left to head to work early that morning, he casually asked if he could return afterward his shift. At that moment, I realized I could see him becoming a significant part of my life. When I gazed into his eyes, I could sense that he would either be a lasting presence in my life or the one who would heartbreakingly leave me shattered.

What started as a one night booty call, blossomed into something far more beautifully profound. My journey of self-love had given me the resilience and confidence with my appearance, to finally be comfortable expressing my personality which led me to attract and retain an incredible man into my life. I’ve come so far, and now, I cherish every moment—both the beautiful ones and the challenging ones.

and now… every single day no matter how or what the circumstances may be, I think about him when the suns out and I think about him when I see the moon, and I believe that he will be in my brain forever and now until the end of time whether he’s present or absent. ♾️

@bigmikeyde ♾️ @pumpkin-the-girlie-girl-vixen ♾️

💚♾️🧡

[mzannthropy]

The Count of Monte Cristo limited series Episode 7 thoughts

Haydee is about to end one man's whole career as Edmond's revenge is nearing completion. It's getting tense! (Spoilers under the cut.)

ETA: The below text includes my unjustly harsh thoughts on Mercedes. Having rewatched the series and done some internal revising, I now feel much more positive about her, especially this version of Mercedes. I don't want to delete or edit the recap, as that was how I felt at the time, so just including this here as a warning.

The episode begins with an entertaining scene of the counts Monte Cristo and de Morcerf in a sauna. Our titular hero approaches Fernand and brings up the topic of arranged marriage between Albert and Eugenie. Fernand tells him that they've planned to do this years ago, but Monte Cristo plants a seed of doubt--he hears that Danglars is now preferring Count Spada as his future son-in-law. So Fernand comes to Danglars's office to clear this up.

The scenes of Danglars and Fernand together are among the best points of this adaptation, largely due to Blake Ritson, who's an absolute gem to watch as Danglars (I never would have thought that Danglars could be made into such an interesting character). It wouldn't surprise me if it turned into a popular ship. In fact, I think it should. And this scene is particularly funny, bc Danglars reveals to Fernand that he does intend to marry Eugenie off to Count Spada, at which Fernand is, understandably, hurt, and taking out some of the lines, it is as if the two of them were going through a breakup.

Danglars wants the marriage to take place asap for financial reasons (he is investing in those railways mentioned in the previous episode). Poor Eugenie is distressed and her girlfriend comforts her, saying they will find a way to get out of it.

Jacopo and Caderousse go to pick up a boy named Gaston, who sleeps rough under a bridge. This is the illegitimate son of Villefort and Hermine, who lives a common thief. The count has him settled at Caderousse's apartment. Jacopo, looking concerned, asks the count if he plans to use the boy, and the count responds in the affirmative. I thought Jacopo would have a villain arc surpassing even Edmond's, seeing how he killed the orderly at the mental institution, but here he is worried about his employer's choices. I'm glad of it, bc I want Jacopo to get out of this alive.

Gaston doesn't appreciate the count's actions and, when he wakes up at night, he steals money from Caderousse's pocket and runs. Out on the street, he is quickly seized by Boville, who has been watching the house, but Gaston, using the knife he has concealed on him, stabs the inspector. Exit Boville. Gaston does a runner, but not before a woman, who lives in this neighbourhood, witnesses the crime.

Gaston is caught, but nobody else is incriminated, as the count has Caderousse's apartment cleared out--he suspected Boville was watching the place. He then rewards Caderousse for his services. Caderousse plans to move to New York and open a tavern there. The count says that in America they are called bars and advises him to set up one near stock exchange so that he has wealthy clients. He tells the count "I hope you find peace one day, Edmond" and Edmond responds that he hopes so too. If this is the last we see of him, it looks like this Caderousse got a redemption arc--and I kinda like it? I think it's an interesting choice for this adaptation, though of course there's still an episode left and it might go differently.

Danglars is involved in getting the information about the man formerly known as Fernand Mondego and his actions in Algiers. Now that they fell out, he is happy to reach out to his contacts in Algiers to dig up the dirt on him. This then gets published in the Enquirer, a newspaper where Beauchamp works at. Fernand is called to parliament. He denies ever betraying Ali Pasha, but this is when Haydee steps in, with receipts!, and tells her story. And thus, the count de Morcerf is finished.

Edmond thanks Haydee as she is boarding a carriage, to which she says: "yes, but at what cost?" She then gives him a half-hug, and it looks like that's all we're getting, bc I strongly suspect we won't see her again. I've been saying we're not getting the Edmond x Haydee endgame, but saying it is one thing, and keeping a hope alive in your heart is another. Ah well...

All is not well in the de Morcerfs' household. Fernand tells Albert: "you brought Monte Cristo into our lives, so you should remove him too". How heroic of you, Fernand, asking your son to fight your battles. But Albert takes on the task, and challenges the count, as you know, in the scene they released a few weeks ago.

In the meantime, the marriage between Count Spada and Eugenie Danglars is agreed upon.

It's the night before the duel and Mercedes visits the count of Monte Cristo. She knows about the duel, bc she has had Marcel, a servant, follow Albert. She doesn't say "Edmond you will not kill my son". She says "So you will kill my son?" I think it's better, I never thought that line in the book was particularly strong and I don't get what people see in it. They have an angsty dialogue, throughout which I kept shouting "fuck off Mercedes" at the screen (I woke up my cat who thought this was directed at her), so I can't tell you much about it, but I do know that Mercedes was not a bit bothered about her husband's newly uncovered misdeeds. Like, not a tiny sliver bit, and this is something that would affect her son, on whose behalf she has come to negotiate. They call each other Mercedes and Edmond in this scene and he reveals to her that it was Fernand who framed him. She begs him to spare Albert and tells him she has always loved him. Unfortunately they kiss (albeit it's short) and I have horrible flashback to another limited series book adaptation where I had to watch Sam Claflin kiss a woman I didn't like when it was not canon. Sigh. Edmond's like, I guess I die then, and Mercedes is like, no! and he says, but he has insulted me. Does she not know how duels work?

The morning of the duel dawns, Edmond is at the location with Jacopo and Maximilien, while Debray and Beauchamp are there for Albert, who has not yet arrived. It goes as it should go--he rides in, explains that he was mistaken and offer apology to the count of Monte Cristo. They shake hands.

Fernand comes to Monte Cristo's house, ready to confront him with his sword. This is when he finds out Monte Cristo's true identity. So, he leaves. After he is gone, Edmond smiles.

Fernand returns home to witness his wife and son packing up. He goes to his desk and takes out a pistol. The shot is heard while the camera is on Albert and Mercedes as they are in a carriage, leaving. Exit Fernand de Morcerf.

[gogodollie]

T4T Sister and Nihil thoughts… Nihil carried the babies, Sister and him transitioned together, their names having "Papa" and "Sister" is gender affirming actually. And they had 2 more beautiful trans twins.

i can’t remember if i deleted it but some time back i joked about t4t sister and nihil who got their surgeries done so long ago that when cardi comes to them seeking advice about transitioning they’re both like “what the hell are you even talking about boy……. i’ve always been like this i’m literally cis…..”

for the time period it would’ve been really common for trans people to seek each other out like this (okay not Just the 60s obviously but we have a lot of documentation about t4t couples because they would’ve found each other in the existing queer spaces at the time and accepted each other due to that mutual understanding) and i think it would be really cute….. my interpretation of trans nihil tends to veer into butch/transmasc lesbianism due to a popular account i used to interact with (and #myselfprojection i guess) so i could totallyyyyyy see nihil meeting sister at some dyke bar and both being a little shocked when they realize they’re the same😭

the idea of them giving each other their injections and touching up each other’s clothes/makeup, being there for the other during surgeries and guiding each other through healing periods and bedrest….. yeah <3 nihil is the transman that requires doctors to say “TESTOSTERONE IS NOT A BIRTH CONTROL” one william times before prescribing it. but sister wants a baby sooooo badly and nihil thinks it would be sweet to have their own family after everything they’ve been through so when they get the positive test, it’s all excitement for the next nine months. nihil is just a Little peeved that twins run in sister’s family and he managed to fall victim to it but….. two for one Is pretty sweet and this means that he can get his goddamn uterus taken out immediately after birth because he does nawtttttt need five kids like his mother🙄

my t4t sister/nihil song has alwaysssss been lola by the raincoats. SPECIFICALLY the raincoats cover because i think it’s cute to think it’s being sung by a transman and that feels more well intentioned than the original by the kinks🙄

in my eyes i’ve always seen nihil as very genderFull and sister as very genderLess. i really like drawing on nihil’s femininity (more than ever rn because of him having a sister actually) and how he experiences that personally/out in society. rockstars, especially the classics, fall into that space of androgyny more often than not and i wouldn’t doubt that nihil takes a lot of comfort in that. i’m a beatles fan or whatever so a particular instance comes to mind with paul mccartney being mistaken as a woman from behind by some producer(?) who didn’t recognize him- i think nihil wants something like that. not a woman, not necessarily a man, not exactly both.

as for sister i think her being genderLess is largely attached to her lack of connection towards her gender and the desire to break these common stereotypes/expectations of women at the time. my thoughts on sister are probably a little less relevant with the comics now butttttt i think it still makes sense, given that a large part of her trauma is related to her sex and how she might utilize transitioning as a way to escape that- think sweet cis teen by dazy and the scouts. i can’t imagine canon sister being applied to transmasculine headcanons (which is sad because i think it could be nice to have gay sister/nihil the way i have talked about lesbian sister/nihil) BUTTTTT i do believe that under very specific circumstances, she could be it/its. it just feels right for her, i dont have a super detailed explanation. her existence is not for others, she doesn’t need to be perceived like that by anyone but those that she is close to. pre-comics i might go so far as to say that she sees herself as a tool for satan and is not connected to her humanly body hence preferring to be referred to as it/its.

[emoticonheart]

Hi, I've been lurking around for a good while now. I've asked a couple questions anonymously before that you've answered, but I've never put my full thoughts down so I thought it was a good opportunity to do so.

I never really browsed Tumblr before, and I can't quite recall how I stumbled on this blog, but compared to how long I've been aware of this kink, this is the most comfortable place I've found that discusses it. So I want to say thank you, for creating such a space. I enjoy reading your updates, and honestly one day I want to create a proper account for this sort of stuff just because of you.

Also I just want to say that I've heard you talk about your own burping a lot of times before, so I expected you to downplay yourself and that you'd actually be better than you thought, but goddamn. You're one of the best burpers I've ever heard.

I hope you felt comfortable and happy sharing those burps with the world, but if you change your mind and delete it later that's fine too. Thank you for sharing it with us.

<3

Thank you for making me feel unashamed to have this kink. It means a lot.

guys... i might just melt into a puddle y'all are so fucking nice

i'm so glad you managed to stumble into my blog, and i'm SO glad it's become a bit of a safe space for you. i believe i've mentioned this before, but that's all i wanna do. i've always just wanted to create a place where people are comfortable talking about and embracing this kink, so thank you for affirming that i'm doing just that!! it really means so much to me.

and about my burps... wow. overall, the response to that post has been overwhelmingly kind and positive, but this is especially flattering. it feels almost undeserved, too, because surely there's a million better burpers on this side of tumblr alone, but i'm choosing to just accept your compliment as is. so thank you so much!! based on the current response i definitely feel a lot more open to sharing more... we'll see!!

i'm so glad you reached out!!!! please feel free to do so again; it makes me really happy!!!!

[you-deserve-to-love-yourself]

New intro post

Hi everyone!! I haven't used this site in almost 3 years (3 years!), but I plan to (hopefully) be a little more active from now on and wanted to make a new intro post because who I am and what I want to use this blog for has changed.

Who I am

I go by Aure (she/her) and I've run this blog since I was 15 (I'm 20 now which is crazy!) I'm Asian-American and am studying neuroscience at my university. I want to become a doctor, specifically a neurologist and treat disorders like seizures or ME/CFS. I am diagnosed with ADHD, autism, depression, and anxiety, and take medications for all of these except autism. My main is @aureshadow.

History of this blog

This is a mental health/self love blog. I started this blog in 2020, about 5 months into quarantine. I was at a very low point in my life--an organization I had been in charge of had dissolved due to internal conflicts. At that time, that org had been the love of my life and the only source of my self-worth, and I fell into a very deep and dangerous depression.

During that time, I had a lot of realizations about myself and my warped perceptions of the world. I realized that I had placed my sense of self-worth on my accomplishments, and that once I peeled back those glorious achievements and titles, I had nothing left. I held a lot of anger at myself, my peers, and the world. I would burst into tears at random points of my day.

I didn't want to feel this way; I wanted to get better. I started using Tumblr around this time, after deleting all my "irl" social media accounts (Instagram, Twitter, etc). I followed a lot of blogs that posted affirmations such as "you are valuable no matter what," and realized that I did derive some sense of comfort from reading these words even if I didn't fully believe them. I realized that I had things to say as well, and maybe it would help other people to read them.

It blew up pretty quickly. I posted a lot of my own thoughts and became friends (ish?) with a lot of other mental health blogs here. I started getting a lot of asks, some of which were pretty personal. In hindsight, as a 16 year old I really shouldn't have been giving some of the advice I was giving on here. But I like to think that some of what I said was helpful.

I logged off of Tumblr in 2022, the summer before I entered college, and did not log back in for almost 3 years.

What I've been up to since

I've been in college and I've been doing well! I went on meds and my mental health has been much better, but I still recognize that I have a long way to go. In 2025 I'm trying to work on showing more empathy, and having candid conversations with people I'm upset with instead of complaining about them behind their backs.

When I started this blog I had essentially zero friends. My life has definitely improved in this department; in college I have a nice group of friends that love and support me. It certainly isn't perfect and sometimes I still get upset with them, but I try my best to communicate and work it out.

I'm doing well in school; medication and accommodations have significantly improved my experience. I still sometimes struggle with procrastination and forgetting to do assignments, but somehow have still managed to hold onto an insanely high GPA, lol. I'm far from the perfect student but am trying to build better study habits as I'll need it for med school!

My main academic interest is neuroscience, specifically neurological disorders like ME/CFS. More fandom-wise, I've been in love with danmeis, especially MXTX's works like Tian Guan Ci Fu. I won't be posting any fandom stuff here though--that'll all be on my main @aureshadow and @envythepalmtree (Fullmetal Alchemist sideblog).

What I plan to do with this blog

I plan to use this blog a little differently; I've changed a lot since I logged off of Tumblr in 2022. I still want to use it to spread positivity and messages about mental health that people might benefit from reading. Some of my values/beliefs are a little different my writing style may seem a little different as well.

The main change is that I want what I post to be more based in science. Whenever I make any kind of claim, I'll cite reputable sources and I will not reblog anything that makes a claim unless I have fact checked it first.

While I'll still be sharing general posts about self love and mental health, I also want to use this platform to make neuroscience and psychology more accessible to people. Academic papers, especially scientific papers, are very inaccessibly written but I believe that people have a right to understand what's going on in their own brains and bodies. If you have a specific disorder you would like to learn more about, a specific study you'd like to understand, or even any general questions about the brain, feel free to shoot me an ask! I likely won't respond very quickly but that's because I want to take the time to be thoughtful and give a good response.

I will continue to add image descriptions to any image-based posts I see and encourage everyone else to do the same! They are very important for accessibility and I want to make my blog as accessible as possible. Here's a guide I wrote up on a different sideblog on how to write IDs.

Asks

You can ask me almost anything. I may choose not to answer, but there is never any harm in asking! You can request a post on any topic you'd like, from brain research to my own life experiences.

I am not a therapist or a doctor (yet). I am an EMT (which means I drive an ambulance), however this is just a blog and I don't want anything I say to be taken as medical advice.

You're welcome to ask me for advice with the caveat that I do not know your life as well as you do and you are always the expert on your own life. I am always here as a second opinion and listening ear.

The only thing I request you do not send me is messages about active urges to harm yourself or others. I am not qualified to help you if you are actively considering harming yourself or others; you can find crisis helplines in different countries here. You're welcome to mention if you've attempted or done something in the past, but I ask that if you are actively in crisis that you log off of Tumblr and find a crisis helpline in your country/area.

While I will not respond to hate messages, I welcome constructive criticism! If you have any ideas on how I can improve this blog let me know. If I have posted/reblogged something harmful or factually incorrect, please let me know so I can take it down.

As always, please take care of yourselves!

[sophieinwonderland]

Hi! Feel free to just delete if you don't have any advice - some time ago, an alter split off two others because of some stuff that was happening. Recently, said alter has been working through it, and the alters that were split off are starting to integrate back with them. Problem is, none of them want to integrate, they're happy staying not-integrated. Do you have any advice on how they can stop accidentally integrating? 😅 Thank you!

This is a bit outside of area of expertise and I hope others might be able to offer better advice from experience.

If we were in this position, there are a few things we might try to prevent fusion.

Affirming and focusing on their differences would be one.

I also think letting them interact with each other in mindforms, whether in the inner world or imposed externally, can reinforce to your brain that these are different people, and interrupt fusion. They may want to find some type of inner world activity to do together.

I would experiment with some exercises like these to see if they might help

Again though, we haven't been though this and this is merely speculation. So any additions others could give would be appreciated.

[coaping]

(Re) connecting with yourself

Helloo! I realize this post is kind of different from my other ones. Anyway, For a very long time in my life I have felt as if I don’t know myself. I couldn’t tell who I really was. I guess you could say I had identity issues, and they’d often cause me to spiral. Today, I’m offering a guide to somewhat help/cope with this issue.

{Create a “Think about it” space}

this is basically a designated location and/or time for you to think about things. Life, creative concepts, TV shows, music, anything. Get to know yourself there. The only rule is: NO ELECTRONICS! You could put on some music, but that’s the only exception

{Hobbies, outdoors time, and friends}

These three things are very important for finding yourself. Reconnecting with nature, creating art(or other thing hobbies), and spending time with friends that you enjoy being around makes all the difference.

{Create affirmations}

I may create a different post just about this one, but an example of an affirmation might be, “I am capable of learning and growing from my mistakes.” Make them positive, but also realistic.

{Don’t let depressive episodes define who you are} Almost every depressive episode I’ve had was about not knowing who I am. I’d think that maybe that was just who I am. That’s not true! You are not your bad moments unless you let them be. Always remember that growth is possible and this episode will not last forever.

{Ditch the media.}

Gosh, how badly do I wish I could just delete Pinterest. It has ruined my personal sense of style. I believe it can be good, if used right. But not just Pinterest, TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat, I despise all of them!!! Ditch them ASAP!